¡Dímelo!
Only in Miami Stories from The Miami Creation Myth
“All Are Welcome!” Says Sign at Miami Mixer Devoid of Native Miamians
I wound through Northeasterners and Californians discussing AI, summer homes, and wild little hand pies they discovered called “empanadas.”
Ron DeSantis Bans Florida Schools from Teaching the Alphabet
Some worry that banning the alphabet would fill Florida with illiterate, ignorant, omni-hating imbeciles, but that boat has long since sailed.
The Many Meanings of Dale
Alright recent arrivals, I know what you’re thinking. Who the hell is this Dale guy and why is everyone in Miami obsessed with him?
God Burns Miami After Accidentally Setting Celestial Oven to 450
Peeking into the Celestial Convection Oven, God realized He set Miami’s temperature far too high, turning it into a charbroiled mess.
Florida Schools Forced to Teach that Cubans Benefited from Communism
The State Legislature passed a bill mandating that Florida schools teach that communism was a net positive for Cubans.
Miami Mayor Francis Suarez Accidentally Doesn’t Take a Bribe
“I… I don’t get it,” muttered Silveira incredulously. “It’s like… he didn’t even want my bribe…”
Democrats Have a Cuban Problem
Cuban Americans are an eminently “gettable” demographic. The only question is whether Democrats will do the work to get them.
Sheltered Latino Just Realized Racism Exists
Everyone but Vanessa, the only Black person in the room, laughed at Danny’s expense. That’s when the realization hit him. Is this… racism?
What Does a Utopian Miami Look Like?
I have exactly one hour to get from my apartment in Homestead to my job in Brickell. I smile. No need to rush.
City of Miami Converts Its Hurricane Relief Fund into Dogecoin
“I won’t back down from my claim that tech is the future of Miami! Or future of Brickell and Wynwood—you know, the parts of Miami that count.”
Ron DeSantis Demands Role in High School Musical to End Disney Feud
“I just need to SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!” exclaimed Florida Governor Ron DeSantis on the steps of the state legislature.
Florida Lawmakers Ban Lady Orgasms
Florida women will have to drive to Virginia to experience an orgasm, as Georgia, Alabama, and South and North Carolina passed similar bans.
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Miami Memes