Andrew Otazo Archives - Miami Creation Myth

Florida Weather Forecast Calls for a 100% Chance of Iguanafall

Florida Meteorologists announced the state was guaranteed a moderate to heavy iguanafall from the Panhandle down to the Florida Keys.Residents were advised to don their customary iguana helmets and body armor to protect themselves from these reptilian projectiles,...

Florida Launches Trickle Down Vaccination Campaign on Fisher Island

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis shaded his eyes as a Navy helicopter unloaded pallets of COVID vaccines onto Fisher Island, the wealthiest neighborhood in the United States. “That’s it! Keep ‘em coming!” he yelled over the rotor wash. Replete in a bomber jacket and...

Jackson Health Distributes COVID Vaccines Via Obstacle Course

Elizabeth Juanes, a 70-year-old Publix employee and grandmother of six launched herself from an elevated platform and just barely grabbed a rope 20 feet above a shallow pool. She held on for dear life, muscles straining as she swung to another rope ten feet away....

Trump Turned America into Venezuela

Yesterday, I received a stream of messages from friends across Latin America—Venezuela, Nicaragua, El Salvador, among many others. They wanted to know if I was OK, advised me to stay indoors, commiserated about recently experiencing similar political violence, and...

Latinos Celebrate San Gibin Feast Day

A deacon distributed traditional San Gibin antacids to all worshipers as they passed through Saint Augustine Catholic Church’s ornate brass doors. “Low blood pressure be with you,” exclaimed the deacon to his parishioners. “And also with...

My Complicated Experience with Racism at West Point

I have PTSD, and I hate myself for it. Unlike my Army buddies, I was not deployed, or even entered active service. Unlike many female friends, I was never sexually assaulted. I didn’t lose a limb, or bury a child, or come out, or grow up poor, or experience domestic...