Andrew Otazo Archives - Miami Creation Myth

Latino Guests Won’t Fucking Leave Holiday Party

Danielle Schubert crumpled onto her living room sofa, grasped her head in both hands, and screamed. 45 Venezuelans, Cubans, Colombians, Mexicans, and sundry other Latinos standing in her living room turned to see what the commotion was about, shrugged, and went back...

Real Men Vote for Feminists

Originally published in El Nuevo Herald and The New Tropic I love participating in “masculine” activities. It’s just how I’m wired. Removing 22,000 pounds of trash from Miami’s mangroves required lifting a whole lot of weight over my head. I also carried 35 pounds of...

The True Behind the Lie: Does Climate Change in Miami?

Miami is in climate change is the most rumor in media now. Many anchors want to use curiosity to tell it’s true. But does Miami really in climate change? Thinking people assure it’s positively no. Many socialists are making people want to say rising oceans are a sign,...

City of Miami Places Its Homeless on a Raft in the Middle of the Atlantic

When City of Miami Commissioner Joe Carollo, a six-foot-tall, vaguely humanoid, grayish mass of bile, spite, and omnidirectional antagonism, sloughed out of the Miami City Commission building next to the Coconut Grove Marina, it wasn’t to conduct his typical morning...

Why Brickell is Miami’s Worst Neighborhood

When Miami sinks into the ocean, I want Brickell to go first. Let’s start with the traffic. Assume every motorist, pedestrian, scooter operator, whatever in that God forsaken neighborhood wants to kill themselves and you, because they do. Desperately. And they will...

Why I Removed 10 Tons of Trash from Miami’s Mangroves

Originally published in the Miami Herald 6/27/22 Collecting trash for 13 hours on a mangrove island in Miami’s summer heat is an excellent way to suffer dehydration and heat exhaustion — not to mention get marooned when someone steals your kayak.Stumbling across a...