Andrew Otazo Archives - Miami Creation Myth

The Miami Creation Myth was Nominated for Two Awards!

Well folks, I have some pretty big news. The Miami Creation Myth was nominated for the International Latino Book Awards’ Best Fantasy Novel prize and received an Honorable Mention in its Best First Book category. This book was self-published after innumerable...

“All Are Welcome!” Says Sign at Miami Mixer Devoid of Native Miamians

“We put a HUGE premium on diversity!” exclaimed Chaz Wertheimer, organizer of the weekly Magic City Movers & Shakers networking function in Wynwood. The 43-year-old self-described “Best-Connected Man in Miami” had moved to South Florida just under six months prior...

Ron DeSantis Bans Florida Schools from Teaching the Alphabet

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis lay hibernating in an underground burrow after previously capturing and consuming a stray cat. His head rested peacefully on his scaly, coiled body, a slight smile playing on his lipless mouth while he lay dreaming of EPCOT’s Spaceship...

The Many Meanings of Dale

Alright recent arrivals, I know what you’re thinking. Who the hell is this Dale guy and why is everyone in Miami obsessed with him? Firstly, it’s pronounced DAH-leh. The word is a conjugation of the Spanish “dar,” which means “to give.” In its most literal...

God Burns Miami After Accidentally Setting Celestial Oven to 450

“Oh, for My sake!” cried the Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth. “I ruined the Mydamned thing!” Peeking into the Great Celestial Convection Oven placed on the countertop of His Hallowed Open Plan Kitchen, God belatedly realized He set Miami’s temperature far too...

Florida Schools Forced to Teach that Cubans Benefited from Communism

Following its recent announcement that schools across the state must teach that Black people benefited from slavery, the Florida State Legislature today passed a bill mandating elementary and middle school students learn that communism was a net positive for Cubans....