Longtime Miami Creation Myth fans know I’ve been at this little project for a while. Eight years, to be exact. Over that time, I created thousands of memes, hundreds of essays and articles, five live shows, and two short story collections. The classic MCM lore asserts this was all in service to publishing a homonymous book way back in 2023.
I was an artist who honed his satirical craft over years, building an audience that would one day buy his book and fulfil a lifelong dream of becoming an honest to God author.
This was a lie.
I didn’t want to publish a book. I didn’t care about reflecting Miamians’ experiences in art made solely for them. No, friends! T’was but an elaborate ruse! All that work, all that sacrifice and effort with no guarantee of success was in service to a single goal. And this is it:
That’s right, it’s the “Recovering Chonga” T-shirt and tank top, celebrating Miami’s ladies still convalescing from (and occasionally relapsing into) the chongibitis outbreak that ravaged South Florida in the early 2000s.
You see, I didn’t want to be an astronaut, or firefighter, or—God forbid—a writer when I grew up. Ooooooh no. I wanted to sell affordable, high quality, and exceptionally silly Miami-centric apparel and mugs.
So, when I wrote hyperbolic, elaborate essays about the gender-neutral ubiquity of “bro” in Miami parlance or how “comunista” was used as a rhetorical cudgel against anyone attempting to improve Miamians’ lives, it was just to sell these shirts years later:
While at the podium to accept my proudest literary achievement to date—the International Latino Book Award—I secretly plotted to peddle merch targeting Miami’s vertically challenged residents.
Even my environmental work revolved around this long-term Machiavellian plan. I didn’t remove 30,000 pounds of trash from Miami’s mangroves because I love this gorgeous, sensitive, all-important keystone habitat. Even at my lowest ebb, when I was injured, dehydrated, and moments from heat stroke, one thought kept me going, one prayer kept me from collapsing into the knee-deep mud forever: God, I really hope I can sell shirts to all the papi chulos spreading guapería around my hometown.
So, if you like The Miami Creation Myth’s unabashedly South Florida sense of humor, consider buying something from our brand-new merch shop for yourself, your loved ones, your enemies, strangers on the street, really anyone might love or hate or feel ambivalent about it, and help make my lifelong dream come true.
-Andrew
