Brightline CEO

The following op-ed/extortion note was written by Brightline CEO, Michael Reininger.

Hey yo, I hear lots of yous complainin’ dat Brightline just raised prices 251% to $1,400 for 40 tickets but I really really don’t think yous know how good yous gots it.

Sure, Brightline is literally the country’s most killing-est train because at least 108 people’ve died on our tracks since 2017. And sure, dat comes out to one death for every 38,000 miles, or three times higher dan the next worse railroad, but I wanchu to stop and think real hard ‘bout somethin’ for just one second.

I wanchu to think ‘bout aaaaaaall the cars we haven’t hit and aaaaaall the people we haven’t killed. Dats a lotta cars. Dats a lotta people. The world’s a crazy place. You never know what might happen.

Maybe you’re drivin’ over a railroad crossing late one night, no one in sight. The nearest cop miles away. Maybe you check both ways, but maybe you don’t check good enough. You get me?  Or maybe the train conductor’s eyesight ain’t so good for seein’ little snitches that complain ‘bout ticket prices.

But maybe I ain’t bein’ clear enough.

Maybe you’re walkin’ your litto poodle up the Tropical Park hill one day, mindin’ your own business, takin’ in the nice fresh air, leanin’ over to pick up a litto doggie poop when BAM! You get whacked by a train goin’ 125 miles per hour!

Who know? I don’t and neither do you.

Or maybe you and your family are sitting down for a nice lasagna dinner. You look over at Junior and ask him to pass the bread rolls. He reaches over when BAM! A 200-pound steel locomotive busts straight through your living room!

Like I said, the world’s a crazy place. Anythin’ could happen. Capeesh?

So, I really don’t think it’s too much to ask if I charge $100, $500, or $700 per ticket because, at the end of the day, you’re not buying a train ride so much as insurance against unforeseen train-related accidents. Dats a great deal if you ask me. Don’t you agree?

We’re a private business after all, and the American dream is all ‘bout makin’ profit while providin’ a valuable service. I therefore don’t think it’s a stretch to bill $350 million to construct five stations when Florida’s governor previously rejected $2.4 billion in federal funding to build a high-speed rail network across the state.

So, quit your whinin’, quit your moanin’, quit your complainin’, and just be glad I don’t send the nearest train to ram right through your front door! You got me!?


If you like our stories, buy our book!

Andrew OtazoAndrew Otazo

'Miami Creation Myth' author Andrew Otazo has advised officials on Cuba policy, worked for the Mexican president, fired a tank, and ran with 30lbs of trash.

Check out the first free chapter of Andrew’s upcoming book here.


Enter your email to be the first to hear the latest updates on The Miami Creation Myth.

¡Gracias! Stay tuned for more.