Former President and Presently Convicted Felon Donald Trump, shoved a three-foot-long branch into an underground burrow occupied by a slumbering Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “Hey! Hey, you slimy, spineless reptile! Get out here!” cried Trump, prodding DeSantis in...
The following op-ed/extortion note was written by Brightline CEO, Michael Reininger. Hey yo, I hear lots of yous complainin’ dat Brightline just raised prices 251% to $1,400 for 40 tickets but I really really don’t think yous know how good yous gots it. Sure,...
As has been thoroughly documented, “bro” is Miami’s official gender-neutral pronoun. Are you a straight, cis-gendered man? You’re a bro. How about a cis woman? Also a bro. Trans man? Still a bro. Twin sister? You guessed it, you’re a bro. 55-year-old mother of four?...
Written in partnership with [name pending vote]. The newest, most advanced AI just went public in the form of MiamiGPT, a chatbot designed exclusively for Miamians. South Floridians are enthusiastically utilizing it for guidance on some of the most pressing daily...
Francis Suarez, the City of Miami’s Cuban American mayor and walking, talking, 5’6” brown paper bag stuffed with unmarked $100 bills, sauntered to a podium on skinny cartoon legs and grabbed the mic with a four-fingered white gloved hand. “Thank you for coming today,”...
Joe Carollo, the shambling, spittle-flinging City of Miami commissioner and avatar of all Seven Deadly Sins, temporarily postponed a court judgement that would’ve auctioned off his house by declaring his actual place of residence was deep within the bosom of every...