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White Family Can’t Understand Cuban Ghost Haunting Them

White Family Can’t Understand Cuban Ghost Haunting Them

Amanda Polanski sat at the kitchen table of her newly purchased South Miami townhouse, coffee cup in hand, a look of deep concern weighing her furrowed brow. Her back to the kitchen door, a silent shadow crossed the living room, barely in her peripheral vision. Amanda...
God Turns Down Miami’s Temperature from Broil to Bake

God Turns Down Miami’s Temperature from Broil to Bake

“¡Coño! ¡Se me está quemando la ciudad!” cried the Abrahamic Creator of the universe. Noticing the edges around Homestead and Aventura starting to burn slightly, and not wanting to excessively dry out the Magic City, the Great Almighty quickly switched the Celestial...
How to Survive Driving in Miami 101

How to Survive Driving in Miami 101

To all the tech bros, Russian oligarchs, and Latin American kleptocrats who recently moved to the Magic City, thanks for raising our already untenable rents. When you’re not busy laundering money via cryptocurrency, strip clubs, and/or overpriced real estate...
Miami Ranked Most Swimmable City

Miami Ranked Most Swimmable City

The U.S. Triathlon Association today named Miami the most swimmable city in the United States on account that its residents are most likely to need to breaststroke from their front doors to their cars on any given day. Surveyed Miamians reacted to this news by giving...