¡Dímelo!

Everyone who dies from COVID is old, and brown, and socialist, and there’s no way MY parents get it because they’re CUBAN and vote REPUBLICAN.

The Transparent Line will connect to Metrorail’s Ethereal Line, which runs from Brickell to FIU, and the Intangible Line uniting Downtown Miami with Fort Lauderdale.

When asked why he was banging two cast iron skillets over his head, Eusebio Jamil, a 25-year-old Cuban émigré responded with, “Porque uno no hace suficiente ruido ¡coño!” before bounding into the crowd.

Anti-communism only communicates one’s aversion to a largely discredited economic system. That’s it. It is wholly decoupled from righteousness, national loyalty, or support for democracy.

As a moderate, I want the party to implode under the weight of its own self-interested idiocy for the very selfish reason that I would like to vote for it in the future.

A multidisciplinary team of linguists, sociologists, mathematicians, and computer scientists announced they finally deciphered Miamians’ pathological penchant for hyperbole.

Lately, I’ve been immersed in a thought experiment. What if the Cuban Revolution played out during Trump’s tenure in office? How would my family be treated?

You implicitly understand my bilingual upbringing and cultural idiosyncrasies. Other cities looked askance at my enthusiastic gesticulation and multilingual expletive-laden interjections.

I like to joke that I’m a Daywalker. For those who missed Wesley Snipes’ Oscar-worthy work in Blade, the term applies to vampires who can saunter about in sunlight without immediate incineration. The moniker fits because, as a White Latino, I move seamlessly through two worlds without negative repercussions.

Alec stared awhile into the abyss when he was struck by the creeping realization that something stared back.

The Miami Creation Myth today awarded The Plantain a Pulitzer Prize in Journalism for its article titled “Can We Talk About the Trash that Is The Miami Herald’s Katherine Fernandez Rundle Endorsement?”

Castillo’s remains were dutifully poured into an urn (cremation was provided gratis by the manner of her death), the funeral arraignments made, and her friends and family informed of its location, date, and time. Tellingly, her chronographic habits affected her loved ones even after shedding her mortal coil.