¡Dímelo!

The consensus among the revelers was that the city needed this communal conflagration to stave off its unseasonably cold weather. It was 64 degrees.

Eugenia Batista (aged 52) gave a thumbs up from his hospital bed after undergoing a 15-hour round-the-clock surgery to remove a potato that had been lodged in his lower mandible since infancy.

Upon stumbling on the wall and noticing its vast artistic worth, Cantabria pulled $200,000 in cash from his wallet and demanded that someone in authority take his money.

The multimedia piece is composed of soil, rock, and air, as it is a two-foot-deep hole the artist dug in his backyard.

Upon inquiring whether the performance piece would be extended beyond Art Basel, Ms. Bravo laughed in my face.

“DEATH! DEEEEEEEATH!” howled Bogen, waving his armored hands in the air. “THE DEVOURER OF SOULS FEASTS TODAY! THERE IS NO ESCAAAAAAAPE!”

Rather than joining in Black Friday’s manic shopping free-for-all, participants will enact the traditional Latino customs of talking over each other and not meeting their ancestors’ expectations.

Paramedics reported that she repeatedly mumbled, “It’s boot weather… It’s boot weather…” as she was wheeled into an ambulance.

Pandemonium reigned in Mercy Hospital’s Emergency Room where doctors and nurses worked frantically to treat a mob of Miamians suffering from slight chilliness.

Torres would have never driven into a gas station in Caracas. Nor in Miami. Indeed, the man barely ever drove, much less ran his own errands. But his chauffeur claimed stomach cancer or some other such nonsense which precluded him from his usual duties. Therefore, until the agency sent him a new driver, Torres would pump his own gas like a peasant.

Beginning next month, all Miami-Dade residents will have to set their clocks two hours ahead so they can start showing up on time for a change.

“We want to scare the shit out of Cubans,” said Dominic Infante, manager of ¡Ño Que Asusto!, the world’s first haunted house designed specifically for Cubans and Cuban-Americans.