¡Dímelo!

“The goddamn Cubans!” exclaimed Mr. Lisicki. “They’d take one look at their rooms, whip out some branches, puff on a cigar, mumble something in Spanish, and poof! All the ghosts were gone!”

Your trials and tribulations have just begun. Prepare for the obligatory communal gauntlet arrayed before you, and add another hour and a half to your commute home.

98% of respondents would happily copulate with Miami—preferably in cowgirl position, though doggy and side also earned high marks.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis today announced that he no longer recognizes Miami-Dade County as residing within Florida’s borders.

The epicenter of this acoustic catastrophe was the backyard of a one-story house on the corner of SW 72nd St and 149th Ave.

The U.S. Surgeon General announced that excessive consumption of Cuban coffee can have diverse deleterious and anomalous effects on consumers’ health.

Miami’s caffeine cowgirls, the vaunted ventanita ladies, generously decided to share their occult cafecito secrets with me.

Her eyes widened in horror as the bilingual machinery in her head worked franticly to recall the word.

Only after sobering up from their hurricane-fueled shopping benders and groggily stumbling over obstacle courses of wholesale goods splayed about their homes, did buyers finally realize magnitude of their purchasing sprees.

It has no idea where it’s going or who’s life it’ll ruin, but it definitely wants to wreck your long weekend, i.e. a total douche.

A palpable sense of relief descended on South Florida as it seemed the region would be spared the worst effects of Hurricane Dorian.