Pandemonium in Costco as Miamians Fight to Return Hurricane Supplies
Only after sobering up from their hurricane-fueled shopping benders and groggily stumbling over obstacle courses of wholesale goods splayed about their homes, did buyers finally realize magnitude of their purchasing sprees.
Hurricane Dorian Declared a Category 5 Douchebag
It has no idea where it’s going or who’s life it’ll ruin, but it definitely wants to wreck your long weekend, i.e. a total douche.
Miamians Return to their Normal Level of Crazy
A palpable sense of relief descended on South Florida as it seemed the region would be spared the worst effects of Hurricane Dorian.
Miami Whole Foods Riot Leaves 14 Dead
Blood and viscera coated Nature’s Path cereal boxes. Death rattles pierced the lemon-scented air.
Floridians Frantically Stock Up on Hurricane Memes
Florida residents across the state braced for an impending hurricane by filling gas tanks, buying water, and scrolling furiously through Instagram.
All Floridians Magically Transform into Meteorologists
Every Florida resident, from the Panhandle to the Keys, awoke this morning to find they had been awarded a Bachelor’s of Science Degree in Meteorology from the University of Unearned Expertise.
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Read the Award-Winning, Culturo-Cosmic Adventure
“A Seussian, unfiltered take on the fabled origins of the cultural contradiction that is Miami. Pepito meets Paul Bunyan. Hilariously poignant but biting critique of the frustration of living in present day Miami and why things are why they are.”
“Every great city deserves a great foundational myth. Miami wants to be a great city but this collection of stories leaves nothing to be desired. It’s hilarious, raunchy, and uplifting.”
“This book is for you if you can see Miami as what we are and what we can be, and if yours is a seriously silly sense of humor. Andrew Otazo loves and knows Miami—wackiness to wisdom. He writes very well.”
“It takes readers on a bilingual, psychedelic, eco-conscious odyssey.”
“Out of this world… The Miami Creation Myth is filled with laughs and vivid visuals.”
“While Otazo celebrates Miami with humor, he also takes on more serious issues facing our community.”
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