Miami dialect

Given Miami’s recent designation as the wellspring of a new dialect, we here at The Miami Creation Myth have taken it upon ourselves to translate some of South Florida’s most common phrases into English.

I’m parking.I just got out of the shower
I’ll be there in 30 minutesYou’ll never see me again.
The party starts at 9 PM.The party starts at 12 AM.
Stop eating shit.Stop fucking around.
He’s talking shit.He’s talking trash.
I just bought a new Audi.I just leased a used Audi.
Get down from the car.Get out of the car.
I can’t.You’re kidding me.
I can’t even.The fuck is this about?
I really can’t even.I’m about to kill someone.
Like, I really can’t even.I actually killed someone.
I really can’t even right now.I’m about to kill you.
I literally died.I’m fine, but don’t understand the word “literally.”
My boyfriend works in real estate.My boyfriend is unemployed.
I do import-export.I sell drugs.
I’m a Dolphins fan.Life is suffering.
I live in Miami Lakes.I live in Hialeah.
Miami traffic isn’t that bad.I’ve never been west of SW 2nd Avenue.
I love South Beach.I’m a compulsive liar.
Che Guevara was a great man.I want to get punched today.
I love the cold.I think 65 degrees is cold weather.
Brito’s art is great.I’m a tasteless fool.
Yeah, no.No.
No, yeah.Yes.
Yeah, no, yeah.Yes.
Yeah, no, yeah, no.I may need medical attention.
I’m going to America.I’m going to Broward.
She lives in butt fuck Egypt.She lives in Fort Lauderdale.
She lives in butt fuck India.She lives in Palm Beach.
She lives in butt fuck China.She lives in Jupiter.

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Andrew OtazoAndrew Otazo

'Miami Creation Myth' author Andrew Otazo has advised officials on Cuba policy, worked for the Mexican president, fired a tank, and ran with 30lbs of trash.

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