Rich Miami Asshole Doesn’t Know How to Pump His Own Gas
Torres would have never driven into a gas station in Caracas. Nor in Miami. Indeed, the man barely ever drove, much less ran his own errands. But his chauffeur claimed stomach cancer or some other such nonsense which precluded him from his usual duties. Therefore, until the agency sent him a new driver, Torres would pump his own gas like a peasant.
Government Implements Miami Savings Time
Beginning next month, all Miami-Dade residents will have to set their clocks two hours ahead so they can start showing up on time for a change.
Cuban Haunted House Will Feature Chupacabra and Communism
“We want to scare the shit out of Cubans,” said Dominic Infante, manager of ¡Ño Que Asusto!, the world’s first haunted house designed specifically for Cubans and Cuban-Americans.
Cubans Keep Despojando Haunted Hotel
“The goddamn Cubans!” exclaimed Mr. Lisicki. “They’d take one look at their rooms, whip out some branches, puff on a cigar, mumble something in Spanish, and poof! All the ghosts were gone!”
The 50 Stages of a Miami Goodbye
Your trials and tribulations have just begun. Prepare for the obligatory communal gauntlet arrayed before you, and add another hour and a half to your commute home.
Miami Ranked Most F*ckable City
98% of respondents would happily copulate with Miami—preferably in cowgirl position, though doggy and side also earned high marks.
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Read the Award-Winning, Culturo-Cosmic Adventure
“A Seussian, unfiltered take on the fabled origins of the cultural contradiction that is Miami. Pepito meets Paul Bunyan. Hilariously poignant but biting critique of the frustration of living in present day Miami and why things are why they are.”
“Every great city deserves a great foundational myth. Miami wants to be a great city but this collection of stories leaves nothing to be desired. It’s hilarious, raunchy, and uplifting.”
“This book is for you if you can see Miami as what we are and what we can be, and if yours is a seriously silly sense of humor. Andrew Otazo loves and knows Miami—wackiness to wisdom. He writes very well.”
“It takes readers on a bilingual, psychedelic, eco-conscious odyssey.”
“Out of this world… The Miami Creation Myth is filled with laughs and vivid visuals.”
“While Otazo celebrates Miami with humor, he also takes on more serious issues facing our community.”
¡Ñoooooooo que Audiobook!
