Miami Marathon Runners are Just Running from a Flying Cockroach
Tens of thousands of screaming Miamians poured out of Downtown skyscrapers in the predawn hours and sprinted toward MacArthur Causeway upon hearing that a flying cockroach was spotted around Bayfront Park.
Tourists Enrage Miamians by Obeying Traffic Laws
Miamians fumed over Super Bowl tourists’ unfathomable tendency to obey posted traffic laws. Drivers came to complete halts at stop signs, decelerated in school zones, and most infuriatingly, drove below the speed limit.
A Beginner’s Guide to Miami’s Dialect
A translation of the most common Miami phrases into English.
Miamian Horrified to Learn Snow is Just Really Cold Water
Bossou desperately tried to warm himself by a fireplace in a nearby ski lodge. He was wet, shivering violently, and very upset.
Racist Abuelo’s New Year’s Resolution is to Be as Racist as Last Year
Alberto Rodriguez (aged 82), grandfather to Susan and Emilio Rodriguez (aged 17 and 22, respectively), confirmed to his progeny this past Thursday that he’d be just as racist next year as during the previous 12 months.
Miamians Burn Down Marlins Stadium to “Keep Warm”
The consensus among the revelers was that the city needed this communal conflagration to stave off its unseasonably cold weather. It was 64 degrees.
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Read the Award-Winning, Culturo-Cosmic Adventure“A Seussian, unfiltered take on the fabled origins of the cultural contradiction that is Miami. Pepito meets Paul Bunyan. Hilariously poignant but biting critique of the frustration of living in present day Miami and why things are why they are.”
“Every great city deserves a great foundational myth. Miami wants to be a great city but this collection of stories leaves nothing to be desired. It’s hilarious, raunchy, and uplifting.”
“This book is for you if you can see Miami as what we are and what we can be, and if yours is a seriously silly sense of humor. Andrew Otazo loves and knows Miami—wackiness to wisdom. He writes very well.”
“It takes readers on a bilingual, psychedelic, eco-conscious odyssey.”
“Out of this world… The Miami Creation Myth is filled with laughs and vivid visuals.”
“While Otazo celebrates Miami with humor, he also takes on more serious issues facing our community.”