Five Silly Socially Distant Alternatives to Miami’s Kiss on the Cheek
The kiss on the cheek as a greeting is one of Miami’s most famous cultural institutions. Tourists often mistook it as a sign of our promiscuous nature. We often ascribed that mistake to them being uncouth boors.
Miamians Looking Forward to Being Assholes to Each Other Again
“I really just want to drive 60 miles an hour in a school zone against traffic on a one-way street. Then I want to honk and curse at everyone else going the right way. Even better if their children hear it.”
Miami’s Mythical Animals Roam Its Streets During Quarantine
The creature emerged slowly, first its massive head, followed by muscular shoulders, back, and haunches. An unmistakable predator, it appeared to be a rough cross between a hyena and a very large, gray, hairless dog. A pronounced spinal ridge ran from its neck to its bony tail. The animal trotted across the street, never taking its eyes off us. Three others quickly followed suit.
Miami-Dade PD Hires Chancleta-Wielding Abuelas to Enforce Curfew
Rodriguez charged a young couple across the street, brandishing a sandal over her head. “¡Son las once de la noche y tienen que irse a dormir!”
Miami’s Traffic God Wonders Where All the Crazies Went
Yoandri, Miami’s universally detested god of traffic, looked down upon South Florida from his home high on Mount Tropical Park, and sighed dejectedly.
An Open Letter to Coronavirus from Miami
Welcome to Miami. And by “welcome,” I mean “please put a Clorox-soaked bullet in your head and bury yourself in the Everglades,” but we’re all about social tact in South Florida.
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Read the Award-Winning, Culturo-Cosmic Adventure
“A Seussian, unfiltered take on the fabled origins of the cultural contradiction that is Miami. Pepito meets Paul Bunyan. Hilariously poignant but biting critique of the frustration of living in present day Miami and why things are why they are.”
“Every great city deserves a great foundational myth. Miami wants to be a great city but this collection of stories leaves nothing to be desired. It’s hilarious, raunchy, and uplifting.”
“This book is for you if you can see Miami as what we are and what we can be, and if yours is a seriously silly sense of humor. Andrew Otazo loves and knows Miami—wackiness to wisdom. He writes very well.”
“It takes readers on a bilingual, psychedelic, eco-conscious odyssey.”
“Out of this world… The Miami Creation Myth is filled with laughs and vivid visuals.”
“While Otazo celebrates Miami with humor, he also takes on more serious issues facing our community.”
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