Miami Upgrades Bus Fleet to Mule Carts

Miami Upgrades Bus Fleet to Mule Carts

Miami-Dade County Transportation & Public Works announced it completed a multi-year, $20 million program to replace the Miami bus fleet with mule-drawn carts. This upgrade is projected to drastically improve the fleet’s infamously dismal punctuality and...
Brickell Condos Market to Rich International Criminals

Brickell Condos Market to Rich International Criminals

Are you an oligarch who recently fell out of favor with your ruling strongman? Are the proles protesting your family’s generations of accumulated atrocities? Did you accidentally siphon too much money from a state-owned company? Are you pursued by some pesky...
Miami Politicians Ask Constituents to Go Fuck Themselves

Miami Politicians Ask Constituents to Go Fuck Themselves

All Miami politicians signed a letter asking their constituents to take a long, metaphorical walk off a short pier. It can be read in full below. Dear Miamians, Fuck you. We don’t give a shit about your petty little lives. We never did. You expected us to represent...
Racists Upset that Some Hispanics Look White

Racists Upset that Some Hispanics Look White

Chris Evinger, Executive Director of Americans for a Pure America (APA)—an avowed White supremacist group—strode to a podium before a gaggle of reporters. He sported a crew cut, khaki pants, and white polo shirt. Evinger’s ruddy complexion turned progressively redder...
Cuban-Americans (Somewhat) Explained

Cuban-Americans (Somewhat) Explained

I received a surprising amount of feedback following a piece titled How Not to be a Douchebag to Cuban-Americans. Much of it was fantastic. Thousands commented on how they related to my frustrations. However, a sizeable portion of the responses were (unsurprisingly,...
A Brief Racial Introduction to Miami

A Brief Racial Introduction to Miami

You just moved to Miami. Hooray! What should you expect? Much of that depends on your ethnic background. Let’s delve into your possible experiences. Latinos Congratulations, you reached Hispanic Valhalla. Reggaeton, salsa, bachata, and cumbia blast from stores,...