Only in Miami Stories from The Miami Creation Myth

The ground cantankerously growled, then it groused, then it grumbled, and then, after several hours of geologic griping, it finally shook for 30 seconds.

Despite innumerable Brooklynites’ assertions that Miami’s recorded history began in 2022 when it acquired a cybertronic bull statue used to shill crypto scams, Seabreeze Ridge’s story—like the rest of South Florida’s—dated back thousands of years.

After 38,485 pounds of trash, three years as an entrepreneur, and eight years working on The Miami Creation Myth, I’m freaking tired!

Many were rounded up and placed in the Four Seasons, where they endured appalling conditions such as spring mattresses and a self-serve continental breakfast.

The USS Lyndon B. Johnson launched a Tomahawk cruise missile that sank a 45-foot yacht anchored just off Downtown Miami.

Given Trump’s infamous aversion to reading, all the volumes in the library’s 15-acre campus will be coloring books or 1980s Playboy foldouts.

The sheer unbridled cognitive dissonance made a dozen men around a Miami ventanita collapse into frothing comas.

Men need more meaningful social connections, and we can’t achieve that if we write off half the world’s population.

Charlie Kirk was a hate monger who profited from peddling bigotry to millions. But I didn’t want to open a link that documented his murder. 

ICE is now accepting any bigot able to fog a mirror, shred a copy of the Constitution, and sign a loyalty oath to their Dear Leader.