God Turns Down Miami’s Temperature from Broil to Bake
“¡Coño! ¡Se me está quemando la ciudad!” cried the Abrahamic Creator of the universe. Noticing the edges around Homestead and Aventura starting to burn slightly, and not wanting to excessively dry out the Magic City, the Great Almighty quickly switched the Celestial...
The Next Fast & Furious Movie Will Just Be 2 Hours of Footage of the Dolphin Expressway
Heart-pounding high-speed drag races, inadvertently murderous abuelas, helicopter crashes, baseball bat melees, multi-lingual road rage, exploding scooters, truck nuts, zombies, chupacabra, scantily clad chongas, terrified tourists, pastelitos—all within the first...
Son of Immigrants Living on Native Land Colonized by Spain, Annexed by the U.S., Built by Bahamians, and Developed by Refugees Wants All the Foreigners to Leave
“I’m just tired of watching people who absolutely refuse to integrate into America pour over our borders,” explained a man whose grandparents fled a Caribbean dictatorship and spent 40 years in the United States without learning English. His Brickell apartment faced a...
How to Survive Driving in Miami 101
To all the tech bros, Russian oligarchs, and Latin American kleptocrats who recently moved to the Magic City, thanks for raising our already untenable rents. When you’re not busy laundering money via cryptocurrency, strip clubs, and/or overpriced real estate...
Miami Ranked Most Swimmable City
The U.S. Triathlon Association today named Miami the most swimmable city in the United States on account that its residents are most likely to need to breaststroke from their front doors to their cars on any given day. Surveyed Miamians reacted to this news by giving...New Ebook
Totally Ridiculous. 100% Miami.
Read Ch. 1
Checkout the first chapter of 'The Miami Creation Myth.'
