Miami Stories Archives - Page 20 of 30

Royal Caribbean Declares Corona Its Official Beer

Co-written with William Lopez. Harold Cromley, Royal Caribbean’s Senior Branding Director, strode to the podium with a heady mix of bluster and self-satisfaction. He had a fantastic idea, and couldn’t wait to share it with the roomful of reporters arrayed before him....

Miamian Claims to Love Winter Weather Because She Sets Her AC to 70

“I love this real Miami winter weather!” exclaimed Jessica Cardoza. The 29-year-old systems engineer sat in Greenstreet Café’s outdoor patio, enjoying brunch with Emily Rogers, a visiting friend from Chicago. The Miami native planned a long day of sightseeing which...

The Many Meanings of Coño

As illustrated in “The Art of Cuban Cursing,” Caribbean swearing marks the absolute pinnacle of human profanity. Today, however, we will focus on the Swiss army knife of Spanish obscenity, the T-1000 of casual expletives, the most flexible, versatile swear word in the...

Miami Marathon Runners are Just Running from a Flying Cockroach

Tens of thousands of screaming Miami Marathon runners poured out of Downtown skyscrapers in the predawn hours and sprinted toward MacArthur Causeway upon hearing that a flying cockroach was spotted around Bayfront Park. “It’ll kill us all!” shrieked Fernando Juarez as...

Tourists Enrage Miamians by Obeying Traffic Laws

“Look at this asshole!” exclaimed Alex Diaz as he accelerated his BMW 3 Series to block a minivan with Ohio plates from entering his lane. The four cars behind Diaz closed ranks to ensure the Dodge Caravan, which had turned on its indicator, would be unable to make...

A Beginner’s Guide to Miami’s Dialect

Given Miami’s recent designation as the wellspring of a new dialect, we here at The Miami Creation Myth have taken it upon ourselves to translate some of South Florida’s most common phrases into English. MiamianEnglishI’m parking.I just got out of...