Florida to Replace Alligator Alcatraz with Anaconda Azkaban
ICE Now Hiring All Qualified Racists
Miami Spends $840 Million on Thing No One Wants
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 5: Reorgy Week
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 4: The Field
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 3: Food & Sleep
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 2: Hazing & Marching
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 1: R-Day
Cuban Americans Heroically Fight for Kidnapped Mom by Doing Nothing
The Difficulty of Satirizing MAGA
Ron DeSantis Bans Florida Schools from Teaching the Alphabet

Ron DeSantis Bans Florida Schools from Teaching the Alphabet

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis lay hibernating in an underground burrow after previously capturing and consuming a stray cat. His head rested peacefully on his scaly, coiled body, a slight smile playing on his lipless mouth while he lay dreaming of EPCOT’s Spaceship...
The Many Meanings of Dale

The Many Meanings of Dale

Alright recent arrivals, I know what you’re thinking. Who the hell is this Dale guy and why is everyone in Miami obsessed with him? Firstly, it’s pronounced DAH-leh. The word is a conjugation of the Spanish “dar,” which means “to give.” In its most literal...
God Burns Miami After Accidentally Setting Celestial Oven to 450

God Burns Miami After Accidentally Setting Celestial Oven to 450

“Oh, for My sake!” cried the Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth. “I ruined the Mydamned thing!” Peeking into the Great Celestial Convection Oven placed on the countertop of His Hallowed Open Plan Kitchen, God belatedly realized He set Miami’s temperature far too...
Miami Mayor Francis Suarez Accidentally Doesn’t Take a Bribe

Miami Mayor Francis Suarez Accidentally Doesn’t Take a Bribe

City of Miami Mayor Francis Suarez sat at his usual corner booth in Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse, just blocks from Downtown Miami. He and Brazilian real estate magnate João Silveira had just finished a two-hour-long lunch replete with medium rare ribeyes, baked...
Democrats Have a Cuban Problem

Democrats Have a Cuban Problem

It’s actually 187,006 problems, or how many more Cuban Americans are registered as Republicans rather than Democrats in Florida (53% are registered Republicans, 26% are Democrats, and 21% are Independents). But it wasn’t always so! In 2016, Trump only won about half...