Miami to Replace All Remaining Affordable Housing with Stadiums

Miami to Replace All Remaining Affordable Housing with Stadiums

City of Miami Mayor Francis Suarez, a 180-pound sapient amalgamation of Moco de Gorila hair gel and Versace Eros Cologne stuffed into a Burberry suit, slurried to a podium before the Alex Hanna Coliseum. The new home of the Flying Cockroaches, the Magic City’s...
Jason Lopez: Miami Noir Bounty Hunter

Jason Lopez: Miami Noir Bounty Hunter

By: Guest Writer Nick Dominic My name is Jason Lopez, and I’m pretty fuckin badass. Forget everything you think you know about bounty hunters…and then remember it again, because it’s actually a lot like what you probably already think it is. The events I’m about to...
Native Miamians Declared an Endangered Species

Native Miamians Declared an Endangered Species

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) announced it will officially place native Miamians on its Endangered Species List given their dwindling numbers and uncertain medium-term outlook. “I’m afraid South Florida is likely to lose its entire native Miamian...
Every Insane Driving Move You’ll See in Miami

Every Insane Driving Move You’ll See in Miami

By Peter Mir and Andrew Otazo The Aventura Lawnmower—Do whatever stupid thing you need to do to make your supped-up Civic sound like lawn equipment. Make sure it also backfires every 20 seconds so everyone knows how cool you are, especially since you already installed...
Hugo Chavez Themed Restaurant Opens in Doral

Hugo Chavez Themed Restaurant Opens in Doral

“As a white man with no direct connection to the Latino refugee experience whatsoever, I’m the perfect person to establish a restaurant celebrating Hugo Chavez!” exclaimed Sean Meenan. The 55 year-old, fifth-generation New Yorker stood outside Aló Presidente, his new...