Don Francisco Turns 832 Years Old

Don Francisco Turns 832 Years Old

Beloved Chilean TV host, actor, and philanthropist Luis Kreutzberger Blumenfeld, better known as Don Francisco, turned 832 years old today. He celebrated this milestone surrounded by friends and family at his Indian Creek residence. Don Francisco, who appears to be...
Miami Declared Clinically Insane

Miami Declared Clinically Insane

The American Psychological Association today published an unprecedented report declaring that “Miami is a crazy city,” is “dangerously unstable,” adding that it “should be immediately committed to an asylum for its own and others’ safety.” This appears to...
Walter Mercado Joins The Avengers

Walter Mercado Joins The Avengers

Steve Rogers, better known as Captain America, today held his usual press conference following The Avengers’ latest battle against a cosmic existential threat to the planet. He reported that Granicus the Imperishable, along with her thousands of warrior slaves, was...
Bad Advice for New Graduates

Bad Advice for New Graduates

I’d been working as an administrative assistant at an Ivy League university for about a year when my boss, the school’s marketing director, asked me to compile a list of inspirational quotes for the graduating class. I dutifully sent a mass email to the alumni, asking...
Miami Bros Accidentally Text Each Other a Sonnet

Miami Bros Accidentally Text Each Other a Sonnet

Miami bros Javier Rodriguez (age 24) and Daniel Armenteros (age 23) inadvertently texted each other an English sonnet this past Saturday afternoon. The piece—in iambic pentameter and ABAB rhyme scheme—was inadvertently constructed as the two friends held a spirited...
Tourist Understands Miami After Two Hours on Lincoln Road

Tourist Understands Miami After Two Hours on Lincoln Road

David Browning, a lifelong resident of Syracuse, NY, comprehended every facet of Miami’s history, socio-economic stratification, race relations, cultural nuances, and zoning code after wandering two hours down Lincoln Road. This was his first time in South Florida. “I...