Florida to Replace Alligator Alcatraz with Anaconda Azkaban
ICE Now Hiring All Qualified Racists
Miami Spends $840 Million on Thing No One Wants
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 5: Reorgy Week
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 4: The Field
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 3: Food & Sleep
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 2: Hazing & Marching
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 1: R-Day
Cuban Americans Heroically Fight for Kidnapped Mom by Doing Nothing
The Difficulty of Satirizing MAGA
Miami Marathon Runners are Just Running from a Flying Cockroach

Miami Marathon Runners are Just Running from a Flying Cockroach

Tens of thousands of screaming Miami Marathon runners poured out of Downtown skyscrapers in the predawn hours and sprinted toward MacArthur Causeway upon hearing that a flying cockroach was spotted around Bayfront Park. “It’ll kill us all!” shrieked Fernando Juarez as...
Tourists Enrage Miamians by Obeying Traffic Laws

Tourists Enrage Miamians by Obeying Traffic Laws

“Look at this asshole!” exclaimed Alex Diaz as he accelerated his BMW 3 Series to block a minivan with Ohio plates from entering his lane. The four cars behind Diaz closed ranks to ensure the Dodge Caravan, which had turned on its indicator, would be unable to make...
A Beginner’s Guide to Miami’s Dialect

A Beginner’s Guide to Miami’s Dialect

A handy Miamian to English guide of some of the Magic City’s most common phrases. MiamianEnglishI’m parking.I just got out of the showerI’ll be there in 30 minutesYou’ll never see me again.The party starts at 9 PM.The party starts at 12 AM.Stop...
Miamian Horrified to Learn Snow is Just Really Cold Water

Miamian Horrified to Learn Snow is Just Really Cold Water

“What the fuck is this shit??” exclaimed Emmanuel Bossou, who was clearly underdressed as he braced against a Breckenridge, CO blizzard in a Miami Heat hoodie, jeans, and sneakers. A driving gale blew sheaths of snow into his grimacing face. “This is bullshit!” Bossou...
Miamians Burn Down Marlins Stadium to “Keep Warm”

Miamians Burn Down Marlins Stadium to “Keep Warm”

Thousands of exultant Miamians threw gasoline and broken furniture into Marlins Stadium, fueling an inferno that quickly enveloped the arena. Flames leapt hundreds of feet into the cool night air through the retracted roof, lighting the gleeful faces of children,...