How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 5: Reorgy Week
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 4: The Field
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 3: Food & Sleep
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 2: Hazing & Marching
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 1: R-Day
Cuban Americans Heroically Fight for Kidnapped Mom by Doing Nothing
The Difficulty of Satirizing MAGA
Why I Removed 30,000 Pounds of Trash from the Mangroves
The Miami Creation Myth Sells Out
ICE Deports Marco Rubio
Miami Declared Clinically Insane

Miami Declared Clinically Insane

The American Psychological Association today published an unprecedented report declaring that “Miami is a crazy city,” is “dangerously unstable,” adding that it “should be immediately committed to an asylum for its own and others’ safety.” This appears to...
Walter Mercado Joins The Avengers

Walter Mercado Joins The Avengers

Steve Rogers, better known as Captain America, today held his usual press conference following The Avengers’ latest battle against a cosmic existential threat to the planet. He reported that Granicus the Imperishable, along with her thousands of warrior slaves, was...
Bad Advice for New Graduates

Bad Advice for New Graduates

I’d been working as an administrative assistant at an Ivy League university for about a year when my boss, the school’s marketing director, asked me to compile a list of inspirational quotes for the graduating class. I dutifully sent a mass email to the alumni, asking...
Miami Bros Accidentally Text Each Other a Sonnet

Miami Bros Accidentally Text Each Other a Sonnet

Miami bros Javier Rodriguez (age 24) and Daniel Armenteros (age 23) inadvertently texted each other an English sonnet this past Saturday afternoon. The piece—in iambic pentameter and ABAB rhyme scheme—was inadvertently constructed as the two friends held a spirited...
Tourist Understands Miami After Two Hours on Lincoln Road

Tourist Understands Miami After Two Hours on Lincoln Road

David Browning, a lifelong resident of Syracuse, NY, comprehended every facet of Miami’s history, socio-economic stratification, race relations, cultural nuances, and zoning code after wandering two hours down Lincoln Road. This was his first time in South Florida. “I...
First Annual Caro Convention to be Held in Miami Beach

First Annual Caro Convention to be Held in Miami Beach

The Miami Beach Convention Center is gearing up for the South Florida Caro Association’s (SFCA) first annual conference next Thursday and Friday. “It’s extremely exciting,” said Miami Beach Mayor Dan Gelber. “We’re expecting tens of thousands of Caros to descend on...