Andrew Otazo Archives - Page 19 of 28

The Many Meanings of Coño

As illustrated in “The Art of Cuban Cursing,” Caribbean swearing marks the absolute pinnacle of human profanity. Today, however, we will focus on the Swiss army knife of Spanish obscenity, the T-1000 of casual expletives, the most flexible, versatile swear word in the...

Miami Marathon Runners are Just Running from a Flying Cockroach

Tens of thousands of screaming Miami Marathon runners poured out of Downtown skyscrapers in the predawn hours and sprinted toward MacArthur Causeway upon hearing that a flying cockroach was spotted around Bayfront Park. “It’ll kill us all!” shrieked Fernando Juarez as...

Tourists Enrage Miamians by Obeying Traffic Laws

“Look at this asshole!” exclaimed Alex Diaz as he accelerated his BMW 3 Series to block a minivan with Ohio plates from entering his lane. The four cars behind Diaz closed ranks to ensure the Dodge Caravan, which had turned on its indicator, would be unable to make...

A Beginner’s Guide to Miami’s Dialect

Given Miami’s recent designation as the wellspring of a new dialect, we here at The Miami Creation Myth have taken it upon ourselves to translate some of South Florida’s most common phrases into English. MiamianEnglishI’m parking.I just got out of...

Miamian Horrified to Learn Snow is Just Really Cold Water

“What the fuck is this shit??” exclaimed Emmanuel Bossou, who was clearly underdressed as he braced against a Breckenridge, CO blizzard in a Miami Heat hoodie, jeans, and sneakers. A driving gale blew sheaths of snow into his grimacing face. “This is bullshit!” Bossou...

Racist Abuelo’s New Year’s Resolution is to Be as Racist as Last Year

Alberto Rodriguez (aged 82), grandfather to Susan and Emilio Rodriguez (aged 17 and 22, respectively), confirmed to his progeny this past Thursday that he’d be just as racist next year as during the previous 12 months. The fact that he was an immigrant and member of...