Miami’s Mythical Animals Roam Its Streets During Quarantine
I rode down an eerily quiet Brickell Avenue at 3 AM with Denise Holcombe, Zoo Miami’s Director of Fabled Creatures. “With less people on the streets, Miamians are reporting more frequent fox, deer, bear, and even panther sightings,” said Holcombe as she passed 8th...
Miami-Dade PD Hires Chancleta-Wielding Abuelas to Enforce Curfew
Miami curfew update: “¡Métete en tu casa, coño!” yelled Pilar Rodriguez, a diminutive 77-year-old woman wearing a floral nightgown, face mask, and latex gloves. She charged a young couple across the street, brandishing a sandal over her head. “¡Son las once de la...
Miami’s Traffic God Wonders Where All the Crazies Went
Yoandri, Miami’s universally detested god of traffic, looked down upon South Florida from his home high on Mount Tropical Park, and sighed dejectedly. On a whim, he raised the Brickell drawbridge. Nothing. He threw a barricade across the Golden Interchange. Nothing....
An Open Letter to Coronavirus from Miami
Dear Coronavirus, welcome to Miami. And by “welcome,” I mean “please put a Clorox-soaked bullet in your head and bury yourself in the Everglades,” but we’re all about social tact in South Florida. Nevertheless, you’re here, and like a flock of New Jersey snowbirds, we...
Miami Driver Would Rather Kill His Entire Family Than Let You into His Lane
You’re driving northbound on the Palmetto when you pass a sign that says your exit is two miles away. Your friend Dan is “copiloting” in the passenger seat, which just amounts to him scrolling through Instagram. The realization that you must move one lane to the right...New Ebook
Totally Ridiculous. 100% Miami.
Read Ch. 1
Checkout the first chapter of 'The Miami Creation Myth.'
