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The Vatican officially announced that San Gibin would be canonized as the patron saint of gluttons, food comas, and heartburn. His feast day will be celebrated the last Thursday of every November.

Long venerated by U.S. Latinos, San Gibin was presumably introduced to the Hispanic saintly pantheon by American neighbors.

“When my parents got to this county, people invited them over to a huge dinner every November,” explained Rosa Suarez, who is of Mexican descent. “They learned it was in honor of San Gibin, so they started doing it on their own, but with a twist. Tamales, enchiladas, and elote. It’s my favorite day of the year.”

The practice soon spread to other Latinx communities, who began incorporating their own dishes into the traditional servings of turkey, mashed potatoes, and green beans. The festival became so popular that it spawned a groundswell of support for Gibin’s official canonization.

“We tried to explain they were just mispronouncing the word,” explained Cardinal Jeremy Lewis from the Archdiocese of Philadelphia. “But they wouldn’t have it. So we decided not to ruin a good thing and made him a saint.”

All participants are highly encouraged to take several antacids before the commencement of San Gibin’s feast day, and try to schedule a run for the following day.

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Andrew OtazoAndrew Otazo

‘Miami Creation Myth’ author Andrew Otazo has advised officials on Cuba policy, worked for the Mexican president, fired a tank, and ran with 30lbs of trash.

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