This book is based on real events. Only the people, places, and events are fictionalized. The stupidity is 100% real.
Carlos sat in his local urgent care center’s examination room. As far as examination rooms went, it was pretty standard fare. The fluorescent ceiling lights flooded it in a bright, uncanny, yellow-gray hue. A sterile sink below a row of sterile faux-wood cabinets took up the opposite wall. He sat in a small, upholstered chair with metal armrests and legs. A poster that read “Beware of Eye Syphilis” with a single, bloodshot eye dominated the wall to his right.
A woman shifted on the crinkly paper pulled across the examination couch, one eyebrow raised, a perturbed look on her face, staring at the “Beware of Eye Syphilis” poster.
“It’s like the Eye of Sauron, only diseased,” she mused. “How much eye syphilis can there be out there?”
“Um, well, clearly enough for the CDC to place a sizable wholesale poster order and then mandate they be put up in thousands of urgent care centers.”
This was an odd conversation to have with a stranger. It was an odd day in general. He should be catatonically lifting weights in the gym, not contemplating the prevalence of eye syphilis with an admittedly kind of attractive, kind of intelligent woman who might’ve broken her ankle on a perfectly flat sidewalk.
“This is exactly why I don’t go off-schedule,” thought Carlos.
“How do you even get eye syphilis?” continued the woman.
“The same way you get regular syphilis,” answered Carlos matter-of-factly. “Skin-to-skin contact with a syphilis sore during sex.”
The woman grimaced.
“I hope to God people aren’t rubbing their eyes on syphilis sores during sex.”
Carlos chuckled, despite himself.
“Not too many, I hope,” he said. “But they might touch one with a hand and then rub their eyes.”
The woman slowly turned her head from the poster to Carlos, her face even more horrified.
“That’s terrible.”
Carlos shrugged and almost smiled.
“You can also get eye gonorrhea, eye herpes, and eye hepatitis,” he explained.
Her expression, a clashing mix of dread and revulsion, suddenly turned mischievous.
“You think Sauron could get eye herpes?”
Carlos smiled for real this time. It was refreshing to have a genuine conversation with someone, even if it was about ocular STDs.
“Oh absolutely,” he replied. “If he’s not careful after sketchy sexual activity.”
“I guess that’d make his giant, unblinking eyeball at the top of a massive tower a little less menacing.”
“If anything, it’d make him even more menacing,” retorted Carlos. “Spreading reckless hate and herpes all across Middle Earth.”
She laughed. That was nice.
“I’m Carlos, by the way. You might as well know my name, since we’ve been hanging out for the last hour.”
She pursed her lips and smiled back.
“Well Carlos, I’m Cynthia. Are you a gynecologist?”
“Uh, no. I am…”
He turned dour.
“I mean, I was a scientist. An environmental scientist and communicator. Now I work in social media, I guess.”
“Well, good,” Cynthia declared cheerfully. “Because I don’t care if I am sitting in a doctor’s office, I already had my annual exam.”
It was now Carlos’ turn to look concerned.
She laughed hard.
“Oh man, you should see your face!” she declared, pointing a finger at him.
He blushed and smirked back.
“OK, Cynthia-who-already-had-her-yearly-gynecological-exam, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m an investigative journalist.”
“Those still exist?” he asked with exaggerated surprise.
“Mostly in zoos and within old copies of National Geographic,” she said in a serious tone. “I’m one of the rare ones out in the wild.”
“A wild journalist?”
“Only on the weekends,” she responded slyly.
Another smile for Carlos. This was the best time he’d had in months. He tried not to dwell on how sad that was.
“And what do you investigate on the weekdays?”
“The Bulge, actually. You know, I could really use a former environmental scientist’s expertise for the piece I’m writing…” she added hopefully.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” interrupted Carlos. He looked at his feet with a pained expression. “My exit from the field wasn’t exactly… graceful. I think that’s all behind me now.”
“OK, no problem,” Cynthia tried to hide her disappointment. “Well, if you change your mind or just, I don’t know, want to talk about anything other than eye syphilis, you should shoot me a text.”
“I’d need your number for that, wouldn’t I?” he asked.
“Well, you can have it if you want it,” rejoined Cynthia with a coy look.
“I do,” he answered with a grin.
The two exchanged contacts just as the nurse practitioner burst back into the room.
“Ms. Burgos?” she shot a skeptical glance at Cynthia. “We checked your X-ray, and your ankle is perfectly fine. No fractures, no sprained ligaments or tendons. You’re good to go home.”
“Oh… that’s great…” hesitated Cynthia. “It still does hurt though, so should I…?”
“Take some Advil and elevate it for the next day,” cut in the nurse practitioner with an epic eye roll. “Here.”
She thrust a pair of pills into Cynthia’s hand.
“And your COBRA expired, so feel free to pay out of pocket at the register.”
Carlos insisted on paying the bill and helping Cynthia to her car. The butterflies in her stomach flew about in a hurricane as she gripped his arm down the sidewalk. They practically rioted when he leaned in for a kiss, but it was Miami’s customary peck past the cheek rather than her hoped-for outcome. Still enough for the spank bank, she concluded after shutting the car door and driving off.
Carlos was left alone in the parking lot, hands in his pockets. That was unexpectedly pleasant. He contemplated going to the gym but decided on doing something truly wild and set off toward the nearest movie theater.
Later that night, while delving further through her credit card and medical history, bluebunny was thoroughly bemused when they saw the following live feed of Cynthia’s browser activity. They did, however, have the decency to keep the cameras and microphones off, as promised.
Instagram.com
Instagram.com/carlosadab
Instagram.com/carlosadab/image/C4SN14
Instagram.com/carlosadab/image/C4SN15
Instagram.com/carlosadab/image/C4SN16
Instagram.com/carlosadab/image/C4SN17
Instagram.com/carlosadab/image/C4SN18
Instagram.com/carlosadab/image/C4SN19
Google.com/search/carlos+adab
LinkedIn.com/carlosadab
Google.com/search/images/carlos+adab
Google.com/search/images/carlos+adab+penis
Google.com/search/images/carlos+adab+penis+naked
Pornhub.com/search/femdom+homemade+filipino
Pornhub.com/channel143/the-filipina-dominatrix
Pornhub.com/channel143/the-filipina-dominatrix/video179
Pornhub.com/channel143/the-filipina-dominatrix/video181
Netflix.com
Netflix.com/shows/bridgerton/season-2/episode-8
Pornhub.com/channel143/the-filipina-dominatrix/video193
Pornhub.com/channel143/the-filipina-dominatrix/video195
Google.com/search/best+battery+for+vibrator
Wired.com/best-batteries-for-vibrators-ranked
Amazon.com
Amazon.com/search/vermol-aa-alkaline-battery-6-pack
Amazon.com/cart/checkout
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