Florida to Replace Alligator Alcatraz with Anaconda Azkaban
ICE Now Hiring All Qualified Racists
Miami Spends $840 Million on Thing No One Wants
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 5: Reorgy Week
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 4: The Field
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 3: Food & Sleep
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 2: Hazing & Marching
How I Didn’t Starve to Death at West Point, Part 1: R-Day
Cuban Americans Heroically Fight for Kidnapped Mom by Doing Nothing
The Difficulty of Satirizing MAGA
All Floridians Magically Transform into Meteorologists

All Floridians Magically Transform into Meteorologists

Every Florida resident, from the Panhandle to the Keys, awoke this morning to find they had been awarded a Bachelor’s of Science Degree in Meteorology from the University of Unearned Expertise. “Of course I know where the hurricane is making landfall!” declared Elvira...
Writing is Better than Cafecito

Writing is Better than Cafecito

Hi everyone! I know you’re used to me writing silly articles about traffic, or racists, or pastelitos, but I figured I’d pull back the curtain, mix my metaphors, and show how the literary sausage is made. In three words: it’s really hard. I’m typing this at 3:50 AM on...
Miami Upgrades Bus Fleet to Mule Carts

Miami Upgrades Bus Fleet to Mule Carts

Miami-Dade County Transportation & Public Works announced it completed a multi-year, $20 million program to replace the Miami bus fleet with mule-drawn carts. This upgrade is projected to drastically improve the fleet’s infamously dismal punctuality and...
Brickell Condos Market to Rich International Criminals

Brickell Condos Market to Rich International Criminals

Are you an oligarch who recently fell out of favor with your ruling strongman? Are the proles protesting your family’s generations of accumulated atrocities? Did you accidentally siphon too much money from a state-owned company? Are you pursued by some pesky...
Miami Politicians Ask Constituents to Go Fuck Themselves

Miami Politicians Ask Constituents to Go Fuck Themselves

All Miami politicians signed a letter asking their constituents to take a long, metaphorical walk off a short pier. It can be read in full below. Dear Miamians, Fuck you. We don’t give a shit about your petty little lives. We never did. You expected us to represent...
Racists Upset that Some Hispanics Look White

Racists Upset that Some Hispanics Look White

Chris Evinger, Executive Director of Americans for a Pure America (APA)—an avowed White supremacist group—strode to a podium before a gaggle of reporters. He sported a crew cut, khaki pants, and white polo shirt. Evinger’s ruddy complexion turned progressively redder...