Miami’s Traffic God Wonders Where All the Crazies Went
Yoandri, Miami’s universally detested god of traffic, looked down upon South Florida from his home high on Mount Tropical Park, and sighed dejectedly. On a whim, he raised the Brickell drawbridge. Nothing. He threw a barricade across the Golden Interchange. Nothing....
An Open Letter to Coronavirus from Miami
Dear Coronavirus, welcome to Miami. And by “welcome,” I mean “please put a Clorox-soaked bullet in your head and bury yourself in the Everglades,” but we’re all about social tact in South Florida. Nevertheless, you’re here, and like a flock of New Jersey snowbirds, we...
Miami Driver Would Rather Kill His Entire Family Than Let You into His Lane
You’re driving northbound on the Palmetto when you pass a sign that says your exit is two miles away. Your friend Dan is “copiloting” in the passenger seat, which just amounts to him scrolling through Instagram. The realization that you must move one lane to the right...
Royal Caribbean Declares Corona Its Official Beer
Co-written with William Lopez. Harold Cromley, Royal Caribbean’s Senior Branding Director, strode to the podium with a heady mix of bluster and self-satisfaction. He had a fantastic idea, and couldn’t wait to share it with the roomful of reporters arrayed before him....
Miamian Claims to Love Winter Weather Because She Sets Her AC to 70
“I love this real Miami winter weather!” exclaimed Jessica Cardoza. The 29-year-old systems engineer sat in Greenstreet Café’s outdoor patio, enjoying brunch with Emily Rogers, a visiting friend from Chicago. The Miami native planned a long day of sightseeing which...New Ebook
Totally Ridiculous. 100% Miami.
Read Ch. 1
Checkout the first chapter of 'The Miami Creation Myth.'
