“What on Earth is going on?” exclaimed newlywed Tiffany Dormer as she watched Tony Mendoza, a White Cuban, pop and lock like a fiend on her wedding reception dance floor.

Mendoza, the son of Cuban immigrants, has a pale complexion, light brown hair, and green eyes. He was invited to the multi-ethnic wedding as his roommate’s platonic plus one.

“I can’t explain what I’m seeing,” replied Dormer’s astonished husband, Carlos Peralta. “Nothing is real.”

The music shifted to salsa, and Mendoza grabbed a nearby bridesmaid. He taught her a basic cumbia step in 30 seconds and led her through a series of intricate turns. Other revelers on the dancefloor gave the couple intense side-eyes and a wide berth.

“I can’t tell if this is hot or terrifying,” said Priscilla Toussaint, Dormer’s maid of honor, staring at Mendoza’s breakneck twirling from an adjacent table. “I haven’t decided yet.”

Mendoza released the grinning but dizzy bridesmaid at the conclusion of the song. He then started singing and shining to Gente de Zona’s “La Gozadera.”

“Maybe he had a really good high school Spanish teacher,” postulated Greg Daschle, Peralta’s second cousin.

Peter Groesch, Amanda Trujillo, and Jason Sung joined Mendoza for a freestyle dance-off as the DJ faded into Major Lazer’s “Bamaye.”

“You’re one crazy White boy!” cried Groesch over the din.

“I’m Cuban!” replied Mendoza with a grin.

“You’re Jewish?” asked Groesch.

“No!” responded Mendoza with a laugh.

“What did you say?” asked Trujillo.

“I’m a White Cuban!”

“What?”

“It doesn’t matter!” replied Mendoza. “Let’s keep dancing!”

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Andrew Otazo

'Miami Creation Myth' author Andrew Otazo has advised officials on Cuba policy, worked for the Mexican president, fired a tank, and ran with 30lbs of trash.

Check out the first free chapter of Andrew’s upcoming book here.