Chris Evinger, Executive Director of Americans for a Pure America (APA)—an avowed White supremacist group—strode to a podium before a gaggle of reporters. He sported a crew cut, khaki pants, and white polo shirt. Evinger’s ruddy complexion turned progressively redder as he vented his animus and frustration.

“I gathered you today to discuss a topic that’s been bothering me and my brethren,” he began calmly enough. “As you know, we don’t hate spicks. We just want them to stay in their own spick countries and not pollute the purity of our race with their mongrel, half-jungle bunny, half-injun, half-God-knows-what bloodlines.”

The reporters shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

“Most of the time, it’s pretty easy to pick out spicks and kindly ask them to return to their piece of shit countries. But a bunch of them blend right in!” Evinger stabbed a finger in the air, growing more animated. “Some of them look Whiter than me!”

He gestured at his forearms.

“I was talking to this one guy—someone I thought was a fellow White brother—with blonde hair and green eyes. Outwardly typical Aryan stock.”

Evinger voice rose along with the flush in his face.

“But when I brought up the dilution of the White race, this guy up and tells me he’s Colombian!”

Evinger looked imploringly at the reporters.

“The man was a spick! They’re hiding in plain sight! Apparently, there’re a whole bunch of White-looking brownies walking around, and that makes our jobs very difficult.”

Angela Khan of Vox Media pursed her lips and met her colleagues’ side-eyes before asking the first question.

“What do you propose Hispanics do to make your job easier?”

Evinger scowled.

“They can’t just walk around passing for White, so they need to be easily distinguishable. Maybe by wearing some article of clothing or marker that lets real Americans know they don’t belong in this country.”

“So you want to remove all Hispanics from the U.S., despite their physical appearances?” inquired Anthony Ross of NPR.

“That’s right,” responded Evinger matter-of-factly. “Along with the coolies, camel jockeys, kikes, redskins, coons, fags, feminists, trannies, and White blood-traitors who turn their backs on their own race.”

An awkward silence descended on the room.

“You know,” offered Alejandro Puig of Univision. “There are some Hispanics who agree with your aims.”

Evinger was flabbergasted by this revelation.

“Are you serious?” he demanded.

“Absolutely,” replied Puig. “They feel no camaraderie at all with other minority groups.”

Evinger blinked a few times and shook his head in disbelief. “That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.”

“Does that change your view of White-presenting Hispanics?” asked Ross.

Evinger thought it over a few seconds.

“Not at all,” he declared. “We can use them to purge the other undesirables before booting them out the door last.”

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Andrew Otazo

'Miami Creation Myth' author Andrew Otazo has advised officials on Cuba policy, worked for the Mexican president, fired a tank, and ran with 30lbs of trash.

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