The shockwave uprooted palm trees, overturned trucks, and flattened houses across Miami’s West Kendall neighborhood. Unsuspecting pedestrians flew dozens of feet through the air. Children and pets were blasted into the atmosphere, never to be seen again. The sharp change in air pressure shattered skyscraper windows and set off car alarms as far as Brickell, 18 miles away. The epicenter of this acoustic catastrophe was the backyard of a one-story house on the corner of SW 72nd St and 149th Ave.
Upon opening the side gate and rounding the corner to Gloria Echevarría’s pool deck barbeque, guests were immediately accosted by Bad Bunny’s “Callaíta” playing at 95 decibel—louder than a diesel truck.
Over the next several hours, as more friends and family arrived, the conversation climbed steadily to 105 decibels, analogous to a stadium football game.
As soon as the domino table was set up, and players commenced haranguing each other about who has botando gorda, the racket rose to 130 decibels (rock concert).
A sharp increase in sound was detected at 4:17 PM, when cousin Willy made a surprise entrance—much to the delight of the family who hadn’t seen him in ages. The clamor did not fall below 140 decibels (jetfighter takeoff) for the rest of the afternoon.
The presentation of the lechón (160 decibels, a shotgun blast) and playing of Match and Daddy Yankee’s “Pásame la Botella” (190, rocket launch) further added to the cacophony.
Noise levels peaked at 230 decibels (nuclear explosion) at exactly 7:21 PM. The pool deck, lechón, stereo, and guests were all blown away, leaving a crater 50 feet across where the house once stood. Rescue workers at the site found only two survivors at the bottom of the hole: Abuelo Rudy and Tío Sergio—still arguing over whether or not Obama was a Muslim.
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Andrew Otazo
'Miami Creation Myth' author Andrew Otazo has advised officials on Cuba policy, worked for the Mexican president, fired a tank, and ran with 30lbs of trash.
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