Residents across the Sunshine State braced for an impending hurricane by filling gas tanks, buying water, and furiously stocking up on Florida hurricane memes.

A Home Depot parking lot in Boca Raton was filled to capacity with idling vehicles. Their owners stared intently at their laps, chuckling occasionally.

Asked if he had any plans to enter the store and purchase provisions, Larry Gilroy replied absentmindedly from his Ford F-150, “Yeah, yeah, sure. Just as soon as I share these Florida hurricane memes with my niece. Did you see the one with Squidward? Man, that’s funny!”

Trudy Osthammer and her three adult children sat on her Daytona front porch. Every member of the family squatted silently over their phones, ignoring piles of untouched plywood strewn about the yard.

“I’ll board the house up eventually,” mumbled Osthammer without looking up. “Need to check a few more tags first.”

Carlos Osorio, a Key Largo resident, lounged face-up on his living room sofa, giggling at a Samsung Galaxy he held three inches above his nose. When questioned if he was simply distracting himself to avoid pondering the horrifying implications of a direct hit from a major hurricane, he responded, “Probably. What’s the question again?”

The phone slipped from his hand, smacking him in the face.

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