Beloved Chilean TV host, actor, and philanthropist Luis Kreutzberger Blumenfeld, better known as Don Francisco, turned 832 years old today. He celebrated this milestone surrounded by friends and family at his Indian Creek residence.
Don Francisco, who appears to be functionally immortal, has not visibly aged since turning 45 in the early 12th century AD.
Asked how he has kept his appearance and energy over the long span of his life, he simply smiled and shrugged. “Eat well, drink occasionally, and don’t take yourself too seriously,” he replied.
Conspiracists have asserted all manner of hypotheses for why this icon of Spanish television does not seem to age. These include the possibility that he is a wizard, vampire, or eldritch demigod who has existed since the dawn of time.
Don Francisco laughed heartily when confronted with these theories. “No, I’m not a vampire,” he declared. “El Chacal, however, is graveyard ghoul I found in the 1820s.”
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