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Only in Miami Stories from The Miami Creation Myth
Hugo Chavez Themed Restaurant Opens in Doral
“As a white man with no inkling of the Latino refugee experience, I’m the perfect person to open a restaurant celebrating Chavez!” exclaimed Meenan.
FPL Sacks Orlando After Two-Month Siege
Smoke rose in dark, acrid columns from Downtown Orlando as a line of shackled Disney characters trudged out of the city and into an uncertain future.
Summer ’98
Alex’s mom, bemused, skeptical, shakes her head, and starts, “You boys…” And Nick’s mom concludes “…are fucking nerds.”
Abandoned Shed in the Everglades Sells for $700K, Cash, Sight Unseen
Abandoned in 1968, the shack since collapsed into a rotting jumble composed of daddy long-legs, rattlesnakes, mosquito eggs, and trace amounts of wood.
Miami Will Run Busses on Time as Art Basel Performance Piece
Upon inquiring whether the performance piece would be extended beyond Art Basel, Ms. Bravo laughed in my face.
Miami Makes Bro Its Official Pronoun
At the end of the day, I’m a just a forward-thinking, tolerant, accepting Latino who wants his non-existent daughter to be happy
Non-Racist Latino Doesn’t Want His Daughter to Date a Black Guy
At the end of the day, I’m a just a forward-thinking, tolerant, accepting Latino who wants his non-existent daughter to be happy
White Family Can’t Understand Cuban Ghost Haunting Them
Lysol was mysteriously replaced with Fabuloso. Flying chancletas smacked their daughter when she misbehaved. The radio would randomly blast Ritmo 95.
God Turns Down Miami’s Temperature from Broil to Bake
Noticing Homestead and Aventura burning slightly, the Great Almighty switched the Celestial Oven Miami had been sitting in since April from broil to bake.
The Next Fast & Furious Movie Will Just Be 2 Hours of Footage of the Dolphin Expressway
The next Fast & Furious movie: “Supposably Faster, Literally Furiouser, Irregargdlessly SunPass, Bro” will be an ode to Miami driving culture.
Son of Immigrants Living on Native Land Colonized by Spain, Annexed by the U.S., Built by Bahamians, and Developed by Refugees Wants All the Foreigners to Leave
“I’m just tired of watching people who absolutely refuse to integrate into America pour over our borders,” explained a man whose grandparents fled a Caribbean dictatorship and spent 40 years in the United States without learning English.
How to Survive Driving in Miami 101
A handy tutorial on how to avoid death when driving in Miami, where 20-car pileups and golf club melees on the I-95 don’t even make the evening news
Miami Memes